I have been observing for quite a while that none of the holy priests that have been studying at this temple has ever reached nirvana. I wish to find a way to reach Nirvana, and just realized that I can’t find it by staying here and praying to the Brahmin faith. Priests have all studied these teachings and prayers perfectly and still have not reached enlightenment. The Brahmins follow books of prayer and are all following a path that does not lead to enlightenment.
I have watched the Samanas pass by begging for food. They reject the body and desire in an attempt to find enlightenment by destroying all impurities in their mind and body in order to attain what’s left, which is an enlightened embodiment. I found this interesting and will ask to join them if my father will let me. I am saddened by the thought of leaving the temple. It has been my home for many years, and I have followed the teachings of it my whole life.
Today I have asked my father if I could leave the Brahmins to find a true enlightenment with the Samanas. At first my father seemed disappointed and told me no, and never to ask him that question again. I have already made up my mind and I’m sure my father will understand my decision through patience. I sat there on the floor with my arms crossed and meditated in anticipation of my father’s response. He seemed hesitant at first and left the room. My father checked on me every sleepless hour of the night; he was testing my resolution and patience. Then, in the morning, he told me I could join the Samanas, and to come home and teach him if I had found a path to enlightenment.
I was surprised and pleased when my friend Govinda decided to follow and learn the ways of the Samanas with me. He has also noticed that studying from the Brahmin teachers will not show us a path to enlightenment. He is one of the brightest young monks in the temple, and he is also one of my closest friends. Govinda and I have been studying the way of the Samanas. I understand the purpose of these studies and exercises. It is to destroy all impulses of the body and mind, including ambition, greed, and happiness. I seem doubt these teachings, because even if I manage to destroy all impulses, there will still be one left. The will of the mind, which will never be destroyed because it is the will and ambition which drives the Samanas to destroy the impulses, and thus the will of the body can not ever be destroyed.
I have told Govinda that I do not believe in the teaching of the Samanas and we will not attain nirvana this way. Govinda asked for an explanation and I replied, “We are like drunkards, we temporarily escape from the body, but we still suffer.” Govinda was not swayed by what I said, but I’m sure one day he will understand.
Govinda and I have heard rumors while we were traveling that there was a true enlightened one who has escaped from the cycle of reincarnation. His name was Gotama, the illustrious. I was surprised when Govinda suggested we go see the illustrious one ourselves. He had heard about some of Gotama’s preaches from a Brahmin who invited him in. I felt a great pleasure that Govinda realized that the Samanas way of teaching would not bring you to Nirvana.
I told the Samana elder that we were leaving, and we were going to go see Gotama, the illustrious. He got angry and scolded us strongly. I looked into his eyes mesmerizingly; the elder looked into my eyes, sensing my will to leave. He stood dumbstruck, and soon let us leave with his blessing. We then left in anticipation of hearing the wise words of the illustrious.
We have searched for Gotama, following the rumors and answers of our questions. One day we came to the town of Savathi garden of Anathapindika
There was no need to ask for directions to the garden, for there were many pilgrims and monks that were on their way to Jetavana. When we arrived there were many people inquiring and asking for shelter, but Govinda and I have been ascetics and quickly found refuge inside the garden to stay through the night.
When we awoke, we were surprised by the mass of people that had gathered. There were Muslims, Arabs, Samanas, and even Brahmin priests that came to hear the teachings of the illustrious. When he came to greet the mass of people, everyone seemed to stare at him in awe, wondering if he had actually reached Nirvana. He spoke of the noble eight path truths, and the suffering of the cycle. These teachings were excellent, they showed that suffering could not be avoided, and that salvation is attainable by the balance of the mind, body, and soul.
I however, could not take in these teachings. My friend Govinda was enticed to the illustrious’ teachings. He decided to join the pilgrimage and follow his teachings. I gave him my blessing, and could not help feeling robbed of a friend. I meditated in the forest and was approached by the illustrious. I asked if I could talk to him about my feelings about his teachings. He nodded and listened to me. I then said, “Your teachings are very good, it speaks of the world in complete unity, and the world is crystal clear, whether it is good or evil, or pain or pleasure, it doesn’t matter, but there is one loophole, something that can not be explained, something new that breaks the unity: which is your teachings of attaining salvation.” He then smiled and praised me for finding a flaw, I explained that I would attain salvation by going my path, without teachers and left with his blessing.
I stumbled upon this small village, and a woman washing clothes in a brook approached me. I called across a benediction, customary as a traveler asking how far it was to the nearest big town. She stepped on my right foot enticing me. I was being seduced, and I was about to fall for it, but there was an inner voice in me that said “NO!”, and all the magic disappeared, and all I saw was a passionate young woman.
I left disgusted at myself, but still also curious about sex. I was relieved when I reached a large town, because I was alone for a long time. As I was entering the town, I saw a beautiful lady carried on a chair by her servants. I looked at her in awe and bowed as she passed. She smiled, and nodded as she disappeared into her groove. I stopped the last servant, and told the servant that tomorrow a Brahmin son wishes to meet her. The servant looked at me strangely and then nodded his head. He told me she was a famous courtesan called Kamala. I then meditated in the nearby bamboo forest, waiting.
I met with Kamala the next day, she looked at me surprised and asked me what I wanted. I replied “I want to have you as a teacher, and friend of love.” She laughed at me and told me “I have not been asked to teach a Samana of the forest before. Many people approach me, but they have money in their pockets and fine shoes.” I asked how to obtain these things. She replied, “ You have to earn them, by doing things you already know. What do you know?” I laughed and said “ I can think, I can fast, and I can wait.” She told me that there was a merchant, by the name of Kawasami, and that she would mention me to him. I smiled and thanked her as I went on my way to the house of Kawasami.
I met Kawasami, the merchant and I managed to impress him with my clever, and intelligent responses. I was invited to live in his house, which is a haven of pleasures. Gambling, dancers, food, and company. I came back to Kamala, smothering her with gifts and money. She taught me everything about love. One cannot take pleasure without giving it. This material world of desires and pleasures is disgusting, this is just like living with the Samanas, but instead of living in a world of the soul, it is the world of material. They both give a temporary relief, just as a drunkard drinks to escape his life.
I have left the way of living with the rich, I have left the way of living with the Samanas, and I have also left my Brahmin home. I now live with a ferryman, who took me in as a guest. He has taught me that the river is holy, it flows, but it is there, always the same, but at the same time it is always renewed. I have learned many things from the river. It all flows crystal clear in unison, just as the Illustrious had described the world. The world is just like a river, everything is different, but also the same. Everything sins, and everything is holy. The universe is everything, everything is the universe. The universe is one, but the universe is also everything. Everything is me, I am everything. And everything is in unity, and unity is Om.
I am in unity, I am a sinner, I am holy,
I am the universe.
I am Om.
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